im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
