You're my little dorito
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just high enough for therapy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
