I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
