I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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