I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
