i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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