Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love having hate sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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