Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
