Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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