Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
