I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
