nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
