told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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