DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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