I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
