Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize