Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
