sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm too high and old for this...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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