Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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