UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
