then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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