I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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