i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
