I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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