So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
