There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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