I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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