i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
