for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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