She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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