I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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