During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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