You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
