I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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