just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
