I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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