O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
