there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
