hotel room ftw
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
