I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My penis needs a shock collar
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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