I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
