I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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