You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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