I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
