He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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