If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
