i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
