I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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