**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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