I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
