he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
