Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
zippers are such a cool invention
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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